Hello, I’m Paul Bittlestone and the purpose of this blog is to publicly ramble to anyone who reads this about my ongoing and future possible endeavours in writing and science.
However, to start with a bit of biography I will write a little about my various (failed) ventures in the freelance indie world (well England) of film and video production.
This bio contains a bit of swearing here and there.
Part One: The Meaning of Strife
I was born in 1981 into destitution (of mostly estranged family on both sides) and living mostly a life in poverty despite my parents’ best efforts, with a lot of bad luck. Along with long undiagnosed and unsupported disabilities and ongoing injuries from my early years the chances of me succeeding was about 5%. This decreased by 1% every following year. I first started on this insane endeavour of sorts around 1994 and after yet more injuries and illness gave up the ghost completely by 2018.
But I digress:
KTV, Middlesbrough 1990’s onwards
So, it’s 1993 or there abouts and I’ve yet to experience the first of many crippling injuries. I’m still mostly paying attention to my studies in secondary school though boredom is starting to creep in. There’s not much I like about school from the pointless structure and memory rote to thought grinding tedium. I was never bullied that much or badly; I could quip and joke quickly. I also didn’t give a fuck about schoolground politics or soap operas. I didn’t give a fuck. Any strife in life came from outside school due to moving into a trash scumbag infested neighbourhood.
There wasn’t much to brag about at the special K. About 90% of the pupils and their families were poor and/or working class. We were all mostly physically smaller than the previous years above us due to malnutrition and lack of exercise. Skinny, tired and indifferent. I noticed it as a kid when I knew less. I realised it more looking back as an old fart. Margeret Thatcher’s legacy ungrown to a poor harvest. Not the first of many crop failures.
However there happened to be a small non-profit video production company based there called KTV. So along with my then friend at the time we become unofficial part-time apprentices and lackeys. Peter who was also a drama teacher at school ran this business. He was married to the vice head mistress at my former primary school such is the scale of the world. Working under Pete was a big lad called Darren, who did the camera work and editing but wanted to specialise in video editing. Along with Darren was Bill who mostly got on with graphics work and editing.
I can’t honestly remember how I got involved at this point, it would have either been my friend dragging me in or my own curiosity seeing them set up camera around school one day. I recall many years later seeing a video shot by them of a sports day with my skinny short arse self, trying to hurl a shot put. I think that moment was also my first time on a local TV news programme as well. Not liking most sports a great deal (distance running aside) I probably thought this might have been a good get out. The skinny short arse frame didn’t survive my teenage years.
I liked reading and writing ever since I was able, I liked films, and I found I liked doing camerawork as well. It didn’t take long by popping in nearly every day that Pete and co decided I would make a good trainee, with mind of an apprentice placement once I finished school. So in between roughly the final few years of my schooling I trained up on (lugging) Sony Beta-SP ENG cameras, red head lighting kits and learning (watching) how to roughly edit on both tape edit and pc systems with Avid. Understandably we weren’t allowed to handle over £100,000s worth of equipment unsupervised
I enjoyed my stints working there during which time I was involved (in very small parts) with them making promos for the RAF, British Driving School and a promo piece with fancy 3D modelled animation for the newly built Middlesbrough FC Riverside Stadium. It was mostly donkey work, making tea and staring at the lads (screens) working on the PC suites.
I also stuck around for the sandwich runs. My skinny underfed ass loved the ham salad buns from a now long gone north Ormesby food joint.
Outside of KTV and school I worked the odd paper round, random box drop assembly crap and as a glass collector at Cycling Working Man’s Social Club in Middlesbrough.
Apart from the on and off problems starting with my right hip a few years earlier I had a good cause to be optimistic about my future. I was looking forward to leaving school with what was to me at least a massive £70 a week apprenticeship, this was 95-96 after all. Then the Tory government at the time decided to terminate a scheme that ran the finance agreement that guaranteed the hire purchase for KTV’s equipment. The company was set up as not for profit and even though it technically made profit could not renegotiate terms for the gear. It is an understatement to say that Pete was gutted after failing to find alternatives to keep the business going. “It’s like I’m on a rollercoaster on rusted rails and rattling wheels ready to go down a big dip, and there’s samurai swordsmen poised ready to cut my head off on the way down.”
This was the first time I saw a Producer and Director completely dejected. It wouldn’t be the last.
Even through injury and inevitable disinterest in school I’d frequent KTV until its demise. It’d be the first time my career ambitions would be harmed and cockblocked by Conservative ideology and policies but not the last.
The last two years of secondary school would be forcefully neglected (truanted) via an agonising hip injury that would re-occur more times over the next two decades. At this point my conditions were/are undiagnosed but it boils down to hereditary neuroglial conditions that affects how my muscles work and weirdly fail leading to many unpreventable injuries.
Put simply to physically do pretty much anything would always hurt in some form and leave me exhausted. This would worsen over the years. I had nothing to compare this to, so it was never flagged. I thought it was just the way things were and that I should get better. It has to get better right?
As a result, my schooling suffered and without aid or support I would earn mediocre grades.
I finished Special K not going to the final party, and soon lost touch with pretty much everyone there shortly after, including my close friends at that time.
This was primary school all over again except that it was a combination of poverty, traumas and injuries, but mostly my own choice this time.
I would then wander the months after school pointlessly applying for mechanic-based jobs here and there. I had an interest in planes and even applied to the RAF. My at the time duff maths and in the words of instructor “You seem to have a natural tendency to rally against authority.”, put an end to that route. He suggested I try the Royal Navy instead, to which I left saying, “fuck to that!”. What planes did the fucking royal navy have left? The harrier fleets would be “bought” for pennies by the USA and used as spares and birth the legacy of the F-35, the flying ED209.
I probably wouldn’t have passed the medicals either way.
With the encouragement and waning patience of my parents I looked to apply to college in aeronautical engineering. On the screening interview day, I went to campus and was mostly underwhelmed and in turn underwhelmed the course leader. However, on another floor I noticed some students going through the eternal struggle of trying to lug Beta-Cam and red head lighting cases about without looking like exhausted grave robbers carrying fibreglass coffins.
A dim light sparked, and I would later enquire at the media department office. I would spend the next 3 years doing two courses in film, radio and tv production. Again, due to injuries these would vary from top grades to total flunks.
College: To Flunk or not to Flunk, that is the question I didn’t bother answering.
I met up with Kev Trundle who was a generally cool, laid-back dude and the course leader. Not long after the meet I signed my life away for the next two years studying a BTEC ND in Audio Visual Design. I can’t say I was the most enthusiastic student with retreading a lot of ground covered, and the fact that traditional educational environments soon lose my attention when boredom and restlessness sets in. I stuck with it for access to equipment my first directorial debut came via a coursework short called “Day in the life of a student”, so original.
I worked on other shorts in camera and general technical operator roles outside of college where I easily learned more on half a dozen shorts than two years of coursework. I was also learning during this time that the conditions with my legs were getting progressively worse I was spending more time recovering and suffering than healthy.
Despite good grades during the course until the final stretch the combination of my lack of interest and problems with my hip/legs lead me to flunk my finals. With my physical state in doubt, but optimistically feeling it will be cleared within 6 months to a year tops I looked at doing another college course and redo what I previously failed on.
As with secondary school I pretty much immediately lost touch with all who worked on the course. Mobile phones or regular phone lines weren’t a thing at this point in my life.
And so begins the surreally funny (If Jacobs Ladder were a sitcom) year of 99-00. Enter Maurice Dezou, Jay Young, Sean Hannon and my year studying a City & Guilds in TV & Video Production. As before I was really here to access equipment and network a bit. Boredom once again set in but outside of the course I got to know fellow students Jay Young and Sean Hannon.
Jay was an eager fan of Hong Kong bullet ballet, action films and cop show knowledge. We didn’t hit it off straight away, not until the New Year after 1st term. Jay strolled in after over a week of absence. When challenged by Maurice why he was absent Jay replied “I was trying to get my sleep pattern right”. Feeling the partial slacker vibe I couldn’t help but crack up with laughter. It was beers and talking about films and our own ideas from then on in.
Sean was a cool laidback dude ala Kev, so much that I jokingly called him Kev’s long lost love child. Sean being a film maker and encyclopaedia of knowledge in all things monster, gore and cheese in film and so was another natural fit for easy conversations of interest.
We worked together on each other’s coursework but never really got the chance to do anything we really wanted or liked bar a few shorts. Least I didn’t flunk this course; in fact I got the highest possible grade.
My outside of the field work included a stint working concessions at Showcase cinemas. I’d learn to grow tired of huge bags of popcorn and huge arsehole managers. The latter would be a trend I’d encounter in many fields of work later.
Although I wasn’t letting on my hip wasn’t improving. It would knock me on my ass, ease off to the point where I could work then rear its ugly head later when least expected or wanted. Background pain was a constant much as since my teens, just a notch higher.
Not getting many consistent leads and work freelance crew wise I decided to look at a higher education course elsewhere while hoping the doctors, consultants and other players could find out the problem with my hip. From now on just doing things would hurt and exhaust me, but I had nothing much to compare to so struggled on. I had a high level of endurance, so could struggle plenty.
During the years 2000-2002 I would be at CCAD “studying” a HND in Film & TV Production led by Dianne. Jay and Sean signed up as well and we would work on each other’s shorts and projects where possible and bounce ideas off each other writing wise for the duration. This is where I met Andrew Ord, however we wouldn’t have much to do with each other until many years later doing the failed collaborative film projects limbo ritualistic dance of doom and despair.
My physical health worsened along with my confidence, and I masked this by not giving two shits outside of doing my own stuff. I would still mostly get Merits and Distinctions on coursework, but I cared not. That aside I devoted my time to learning the craft of writing and scriptwriting. Unfortunately, this was barely covered on the course due to Dianne being out of action for reasons beyond her control. Fortunately, I worked better outside of traditional education. Unfortunately, I had the work ethic of a wounded sloth going thru PTSD and in general a shit fucking time of it in life. Still, beer was cheap in the Linney.
During this stage I decided to properly birth Darkstone Productions in name to my projects at least, which I at the time intended to use for my writing/production/freelance banner. The name came to me in early 99, it was just a combination of my sense of humour and surname. I also toyed with dogzbollockz productions but stuck with the former unfortunately.
I still worked on projects outside of college where and when I could and “normal” work wise I served time at TKMaxx. This would put me off retail work for the rest of my life. I’m just not cut for that discounted cloth. I hate sales and advertising. I’d be the worst salesman going. I agree with the comedian Bill Hicks in that adverts and marketing bring nothing good or positive to the world. “go away!” please “just die!”. It inflicts an unwanted neurosis on an already messed up species.
Coming near the end of the course with the doctors etc none the wiser and myself “keeping calm and carrying on” I decided it would be best if I became self-employed in the long term. It gave me something to aim for. Do camerawork, learn the set, write, direct, live life, have fun and eventually maybe in my late 20’s or early 30s make my own feature films. That was the plan and fate I hoped and strived for (sucker).
Post CCAD I worked for half a year on a busted ankle as a postman at Royal Mail with mind to try and save money for a pc edit suite and other needed equipment. The job wasn’t that bad back then, and I had plenty time to think on my rounds. The downside of the 4am early starts into the Boro streets by 6am was the fresh vomit, piss, shit with stale booze and half eaten takeaway that pretty much clung to the terraces and main road areas. Add to this the crazy dogs and bitches, canine and otherwise. The clinch was the fact it wasn’t doing me any favours physically, so I decided to call it a day and take a leap back into being Ronin. My time at Royal Mail however got me my first proper PC powerful enough to use as an edit suite. After a couple of years the graphics card exploded from the strain and had to be replaced but everything else survived. It would eventually be handed down to my dad to pay off IOU’s then sold on to Jay for a princely sum of £60. It cost £1800 originally on finance.
Unlike primary school, secondary school, Teesside Tertiary (1st two parts), I’d at least keep in touch with course folk & friends until around the early 2020’s at least. The overdue coursework for the BTEC at TT and HND at CCAD were never completed. Like a butterfly flapping its wings on Jupiter it would make no fucking difference.
Up until 2004 I worked various corporate, shorts, films; from no budget and deferred (skint) to paid up (skint but bills paid). During the down times I did all odds and sorts of agency work wise from clerk to warehouse, tent fabrication, call centre and too many others lost to memory and trauma along with stints on the Struggling Artists Support Fund aka The Dole.
In July 04 I went full time self-employed under my Darkstone Productions banner. Primarily on camera I worked on all sorts from corporate videos, shorts, feature films and music, event and motorsports. During this time I worked on a low budget feature called ‘Is That It?’ it was an epic and ambitious torture of a shoot that would give Terry Gilliam nightmares. I learned quite a bit on this shoot, mainly how not to go about things. There’s a book about this in the background of my mind but I feel no one would believe me.
Is That It? You don’t want to know the answer.
So, come 2003-06 period.
I think it was end of 2003 when through a former mutual acquaintance of disaster and bad luck I was introduced to a Lord (not a real one) Brett Sinclair. His ambition was to film a full-length feature from June 2004 with 200 cast and extras. The crew it would seem would barely go over a dozen during production, but I didn’t know this at the time. In fact, for a majority of the overshoot it would often just be myself, sound man Jamie, production manager/fixer Dave and a couple extras hands if we were lucky. Not excluding Neil Bates and Matt Bland on initial schedule, and Matt was off injured early on with a broken foot, rarely on the overshoots, and producer Heather Mathews missed the last half of the shoot to illness.
Left to Right, Brett Sinclair, Paul Bittlestone, Dave Conway, Jamie Amos on sound.
Photo by Ron Everett
I’ll just say that it was intended to be low budget as far as indie films go but there’s no point in stating an amount as only the darkest depths of the universe and the imaginary god later in Brett’s head would know the exact amount. Suffice to say I received nothing bar some token payments to stop walking off set about 5 months in. Nothing that covered the 9+ months of time and lost money I spent working the film.
It was meant to be a six or 9-to-12-week shoot.
That’s me enjoying the British summer in Whitby. Producer Heather Mathews in the background in white. After an 18-hour day we had to reshoot when dry.
Neil Bates & myself mulling over the glamour of cool blue exhausted wet why the fuck are we filming in this weather? (photo by Ron Everett 2004)
We had an official stills photographer to begin with during the original planned schedule. Brett would increasingly over time loose his shit with Andy getting in the way and slowing things down. It got to the point that he was pretty much called “ANDY GET THE FUCK OFF SET!!!”. He was a talented photography from the few stills I saw. However, these photos – I think, my exhaustion roasted brain has little recollection were taken by Ron Everett who acted as the Plod in Virgil’s driving scenes.
Memories of when I could wear 36’ waist jeans, scattered like pretty pictures, of my head with full hair. (Photo Ron Everett 2004)
Karl on boom ops doing his best Grumpy Cat impression.
Brett doing his best at holding a bowl of cereal. Camera with the rare XL1S soundman head attachment.
Sums it up. Photo by Ron Everett
(Photo by Andy get the fuck out the way!!! 2004) Photo by Ron Everett
Brett had a plan and a van and a roller. All would catch fire at some point.
Despite the joke of his name (I grew up watching re-runs of The Persuaders in background when reading books etc), a Rolls Royce that was at the end of its life and a store-bought meaningless title, he was initially taken somewhat seriously by those involved to begin with. I thought it was ambitious, likely to fail but worth a punt. After all what’s a couple of months when you are starting up freelance properly and it’s practically on your own doorstep?
I would rope in former college bums Jay L Young and Neil Dyball who took two and three weeks of their time respectively to help out on lighting and other donkey work.
I’d rope in another hobo creative of my travels in Jamie Amos, who would do sound recordist/boom ops. We’d both have a good craic going slowly mad as exhaustion and the lunacy of the shoot would almost drive us both to hilarious fucked zen by the time the shoot was done.
Neither of us would attend the premiere. We were fucking skint.
I’d already worked on enough no/low budget stuff at this point not to get any hopes up over “referral payments” etc. But during early doors at least I thought he’d have enough drive and salesman charisma to at least get it over the finish line. But in the end the only consistency is what normally happens with nearly all low budget lark: Injuries, mental breakdowns, falling outs, abusive behaviour and general shit-housery before a lot of people parts ways disappointed.
From my point of view there was some good laughs and times had and a basic 101 on how not to make a film. However, giving the subject matter and age of the fictional characters portrayed never mind all the young (legal) talent and crew involved (there was nothing explicit), well it’s very lucky that something didn’t go very wrong or with Brett sued to oblivion. To say some things were done in a haphazard and unprofessional way would be an understatement. But those were more innocent times stupid and reckless times as the old industry saying goes.
Why did I stay on the wreck of a film for so long?
a) Well, I’m already 2 months into an overshoot might as well do another few weeks/months.
b) Because I didn’t want to leave a young inexperienced cast and the skeleton crew in the shit.
c) B plus for fucks sake not another unfinished film!!!.
d) Exhausted zombie stare into the distance.
After 9 to 12 months from the start of principle photography the film was wrapped and then lingered into a couple years of post-production limbo. From what I was told by Brett the film was effectively held at ransom by the editors/post from non-payment or them wanting more.
By the time the finished film saw the very limited light of day I was financially broke and out of action injured once again. I didn’t attend the premiere, nor watch the whole dvd at a private screening whilst over Brett’s years later either. I managed to watch it all drunk once via a re-edit done by Matt Bland. But I don’t remember much of it. Suffice to say when you spent such amount of time on something that personally and professional yielded very little, well then, all enthusiasm for it was exhausted.
Still it helped some of the young un’s on their way, so something came good of it eventually.
DJ Which Way Tech?
From a technical point of view with the budget and resources at hand it was a terrible time to make this film. It was a terrible time to be a video based freelance operator all round as the technology quickly shifted in three phases from standard definition to HD720 and HD1080 (bloody commadore 64 quality!!!) . It happened in a ridiculous short time chumping many an operator who saved and bought a camera, then bought the next new one and the next new one. It was essentially a decade or two worth of gouging and updating obsolete kit in a 5-year period.
So originally before I joined the wrecking crew on ITI?, Brett had shot an unrelated (crew/cast) teaser trailer on and wanted to shot on Digi-Beta SP ENG which is standard definition, high quality that is used by news agencies and top end corporate known as Electronic News Gathering/ENG.
Due to the amount of footage that was required to shoot and multi-camera shots planned Brett was forced to look for cheaper options.
My first bought and owned baby as a freelancer was the Canon XL1S, a Mini Digital Video tape standard definition camera that for £3,000 had a top-notch lens on a cheap back-end unit. Neil Bates had a XL1, and Brett bought another XL1S and based kit set up round this. Shooting the film on SD and lack of budget for a blow-up print would severely affect the quality of the final picture.
It was just bad timing tech speaking, but everyone had that problem at the time. Soon HD would obsolete standard definition, and everyone’s expectations and familiarity would shift. Then shift again, and again, and again.
The corporate/culture rush to shift to selling the newest best unit every year would make a lot of top-level quality film making untenable speaking from an independent film making perspective. Like I stated whilst at college in 1999 for every leap in picture quality you have to up the ante with the lighting, make-up and set otherwise everyone and everything just looks like shit on TV and the cinema screen. This increases budgets substantially. This in effect puts most filmmaking out of reach of the poor and working classes.
It’s a situation that seems to fit the British film industry to a cuppa tea. It is after all a legacy of the World War 2 propaganda machines push/restrictions that lead to an unintended consequence still to this very day that is a closed down industry in terms of access. It is now more than ever still a boys only club to funding and resources. No one gives up the game easily, especially the middlemen.
The cheap technology would be a boon for the web and mobile market however leaving us with the short attention span cancer version of advertising that is social media content.
My personal thoughts are that anything above 4k and 8k is both unneeded and impractical for entertainment purposes. For science and engineering it’s a massive boon.
———-
For reasons beyond my memory or sensible reasoning I kept in touch with Brett until around 2011 and even attempted to write a horror script with him. It was a short-lived dead end, but it got me out of the Middlesbrough terraces into the countryside on half a dozen weekends. Brett’s life would soon unravel, and he would disappear down south and find himself a God. What god exactly I’m not sure, it wasn’t a pleasant one and like the old George Carlin phrase loosely goes “God loves you and he wants your money!”
The GoodBad, The Sad & The Ugly:
House of Jack, Happy Bakewell & Social
In June 2006 my (un)hip would flare up badly and knock me on my arse for nearly a year. I had to put Darkstone Productions to rest and recuperate. I spent my time and sanity writing various novella, shorts and feature scripts. I didn’t push any of them out to the world but they would form the base of what I would work on later.
By April 07 I was working admin and call centre work with bouts of warehouse and other agency work. I was slowly getting back to odd freelance crew stints. I started my last regular full-time job in August as an operations clerk. As with most regular jobs I would get restless within 6 months. I freelanced on and off for the next two years. But mostly destituted on the dole.
In 2004/5 via my old college bum Jay Young I was introduced to a crazy funny broke talented DIY filmmaker called Joseph Tan. I’d help out on a few of his projects indirectly lending equipment and helping out occasionally. I then co-produced, not to the best of my abilities a no budget feature of Joe’s called Time to Kill. However, my own personal life film called Exploding Hip 3: Booze and Despair got in the way of much direct involvement, hence the not to the best of my abilities.
A couple years after this the three of us decided to try and make a collaborative anthology of dirt-cheap short films. We’d shoot Jay’s first which was called House of Jack, and Joe and I would write and direct one each as well. Maybe adding more shorts each or with others later.
Gangsters in Love 2003/4
I don’t know why, don’t ask.
In 2009 we started Jays short first, a horror action piece called House of Jack. I would produce, co-direct and edit and operate camera. Joe would do the creature make up and CGI in post-production. Joe would also play one of the creatures with hilarious full method intent. The budget was tiny and due to my own camera being away for repair and the replacement not turning up at the last second, we had to spend half the budget on a handy cam. Despite these problems we got the film in the can on time over 3 days filming over 370 shot set-ups with some sfx segments and cutaways to be filmed later.
Joe Tan at his most relaxed
Joe had a heart and lung condition and having already outlived his doctor’s predictions by over 10 years was advised to have surgery to buy him some more years. Sadly, he passed away on the operating table.
The last conversation we had had was about how I was thinking of throwing in the towel with all this film and TV lark. In fact I can pretty much say with conviction that I would have walked away if it were not for what was said between us (thanks, you tosser). He encouraged me to concentrate on my writing and eventually get my own films made.
Feeling somewhat dejected without Joe House of Jack would lie in limbo while Jay and I tried to figure out how the hell we were going to do the CGI and sfx as originally intended. We didn’t, instead we improvised. A few years later the short would be finished and screened, dedicated to Joe and Jay’s father who passed away earlier.
Pretty much my favourite shot from Joe Tans’ Time to Kill (me on camera). Jamie Amos would do a good portion of the rest.
A few months after Joe’s death I was on facebook and I received a “suggestion” from facebook saying that I should ‘friend’ Joe Tan. He was still on my profile. I laughed and stared, then starting writing. What I wrote would become a short film called Social about a struggling musician talking to his dead friend over a facebook type site. The ghost would help the musician but all would be not what it seems. The motive was revenge with fatal results.
This would be my cursed Terry Gilliam project. The first shoot had problems with the actor playing a hitman not turning up with Jay filling in. I was filming digitally with a red rock film lens adaptor in front. There was a problem with the camera in that it could not upload to my pc so I couldn’t view rushes as I normally would. A week later I would upload the footage and to my dismay find the focus was too far off with the adaptor which wasn’t noticeable on the monitor during the shoot. Basically put it meant the picture would be too soft when projected to a big screen.
After talking with the main actor Alex Smith and Jay, we decided to reshoot the film.
I went back to full time self-employment in May 2010 under the Darkstone Media banner and back to the usual freelance lark and corporate video packages. I renamed my venture as some sad twat at the time had set up a Second Life porno production site under Darkstone Productions, so the fuck to that. With new kit and camera, I planned the reshoot of Social. All was ready to roll when we hit a bump in the road in that Alex almost died from a burst stomach ulcer and had to have life saving surgery. Social was on hold for several months while he recovered.
When the reshoot started it pretty much went to plan aside from the fact that I was ill during it. I knew I’d be facing a challenge in post with the animation and CGI. What I wasn’t expecting was two separate hard drive and pc failures wiping out two edits. Due to family problems and my own re-occurring physical injuries the project would limbo until 2015 eventually succumbing to ‘fuck it its fucking lost’ by around 2017.
But because this fucker has bugged me for over 15 years. Here in its limited script form is the (2nd) draft of Social as filmed and intended at the time.
Jimmy Hagri on the reshoot of my doomed short film, Social © 2010 by Paul Bittlestone
Behind scenes of the failed original Social shoot 2010
Jay standing in for the hitman.
Motherfuckers on Cake
Some early promo mess arounds for Happy Bakewell. Yes that’s a giant £10 note, not a very small Bakewell tart.
With Social in Limbo me and Jay did another roll of the dice in 2013 with Happy Bakewell which despite having no budget again went quite well as a shoot. Post-production again would cause some problems due to shite hardware and software and me-ware but it would eventually screen as with HoJ.
We tried another called Revenge of the Housekeeper but finances and life in general was pulling the tide out of any chances of it successfully being made.
The crew of Happy Bakewell
Jamie Amos (sound), Sean Hannon (Practical SFX), Paul Bittlestone (Producer AD), Jimmy Hagri (actor), Adam Boubda (boom)
Front – Jason L Young (Actor Director), Richard Eaborn (Clapper), Mick Snowdon (Lighting)
Mick had voiced on the lost/drive fucked up and abandoned version of Social as Harry.
That time of the month
End of the Line
By 2012 my physical health was becoming worse and my last ‘credited’ indie crewing would be on another lo/no budget called The Stagg Do. Where I in affect hobbled about as a 5th wheel camera assistant shooting on DSLR’s. Same shit different day with the usual lo/no indie fuckness on set and naturally never getting paid. Thankfully it lasted only two weeks.
And just like that the devil disappeared.
The late spring of 2013 came and left with both my lower limbs in various states of completely fucked. And despite a year of my best Rocky montage of rehab walks in the woods and moors there would be very little improvement nor still as of yet (surprise surprise) a proper diagnosis.
From here I would make the 2nd biggest mistake of my life. Trying to produce independent productions whilst injured/disabled with no support and more broke than a childhood version of myself.
Now I may add to this at a later time, but basically take that ever decreasing 5% success rate and add/take away another 20% making it minus 25% by the time I threw in the towel.
Long story short a lot of potential and hard work leading to nothing as you can do sweat fuck all when you are living on the bones of your ass. This from many parties involved not just my own.
It was, an informative few years.
If you want a career in the creative industries in the UK and good health don’t be born poor and disabled and don’t work on lo/no indie projects and expect to be thanked or renumerated (70% of the time).
Here endeth the lesson.
Achievement Unlocked: Career Failure
Conclusion of my time and failures as a freelancer:
- Don’t be poor with no connections.
- Don’t be disabled and injured. The entertainment/media sphere is one of the most discriminatory and ablest fields of work I have ever been in.
- Don’t not have a driving license or lack of transport.
- You need to be a social networking butterfly or hook up with one.
- Don’t do referral or freebies unless you like the idea or owe a favour likewise.
- Most low budget indie lark almost always ends in some form of bad grudge or shit going down. Its natural as people aren’t getting paid well or at all and inevitably end up getting exploited with the exploiters getting bolder and more cunty in what they think they can get away with. It’s a soap opera of dickheads pushing crap made things for their own benefit that no one will give a fuck about.
- There’s an abundance of thieves, grifters, perverts and piss takers in almost any field of business and industry. The film, tv and creative industry has this quota amplified by about 200%. Add a lot of clinical psychopaths for added bonus.
- Like flies to shit this game attracts the worst of human behaviour and character. Always keep your wits and senses about you as it can save your life from ruin or ending.
- Stay away from anything that feels like a cult.
- Don’t rely on your art making you happy and don’t take it too seriously.
- Look after yourselves and others. The health and wellbeing yourself and others always comes first no matter what. Whether it be over some misguided dangerous idiot, maniacs dream or excuse to exploit people.
That said there were plenty of good experiences even in the darkness. I went to places and met people I would never have in any other walk of life. It can also give you a good broad experience of society and how shit works in general. Keep your eyes and mind open and you can take a lot of good things from it.
Even though I could have made hundreds of my own short films etc asking people doing it for “referral” or free, I’m glad I didn’t. It simply doesn’t sit well with me, never has.
So, my independent production crewing days roughly follows as:
Experiences = Plenty
Money Made (profit) = Fuck All
Money Lost = £53,100* and then double/treble it for missed opportunities and costs of not getting paid.
*(in working time for referral/nothing = £
at modest flat daily rate of £150) which equates to roughly 354 days over a two-decade period, that I can be bothered to remember.
I haven’t included my corporate efforts in this blog simply because they are dull, although they paid better.
Suffice to say (if my body allowed it) I should have stacked shelves in a supermarket or warehouse for 2 decades and be better off and have a pension.
Here endeth the lesson.
Sometimes Frequent rarely asked Questions asked strangely more often than they should be maybe:
Now just to clarify I few things as I’ve often been asked this on my travels in between ill health forced hermit meditations:
- I am from Middlesbrough, England. Middlesbrough. Not Sunderland. Not Newcastle or Gateshead. Not Darlington. I am from Middlesbrough. I’m from Middlesbrough. As a Boro fan you don’t support Boro FC, you endure it.
- I live in Scotland now for the duration.
- I ran Darkstone Productions (England) from 2004-2009 roughly on and off during severe injuries. I then changed name to Darkstone Media in 2010 until 2017. I am not nor ever have been affiliated in any way with any other business by that name especially not as Darkstone Media Ltd based in Newcastle (Washington) nor the long defunct (2005) Australian record label.
And definitely not as some sad twat Second Life porno site circa 2010. - My now defunct company set up as a base for my own producing work was called 15 Seconds to Comply Ltd. Another no-go project with my producer involvement was called Gentlemen of the Leaf’s Ltd. My involvement with the latter would come to an end before I shelved 15 Seconds to Comply.
- I was in no way involved with the production of the novelisation of Dead Leaves by Andrew Barker. I left the project early stage due to ill health.
- I was in no way involved in the production of The Gamekeeper by Peter Kane/Jimmy Hagri, I left before pre-production & shooting. I felt chances of obtaining the funding needed to keep me on in a paid role and hit a high production quality was unachievable.
- Have I met/worked with some famous people? Yes.
- Can I help you contact them? No. If they don’t advertise it on some way on internet or via their agent/management, they do not want to be contacted. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of crazies out there who will go to extreme lengths to make many things unpleasant. I’ve been stalked and stalked via proxy (someone stalking me to stalk someone else) in the past.
- That aside I walked away from the industry completely by 2020. I am neither looking for nor wanting collaboration for the duration until expressed otherwise.
- I had no part in the writing of a book and film called “Is That It?”. Despite a typo input on imdb.com. For my gullibility and suffering I was merely the main camera operator. There are many errors on that listing due to misspelt DVD credits etc. Again, not my doing even though I listed it originally.
- I follow no church, cult, weird members social club nor have ever been part of any. I am non-religious christened/last righted as Church of England without my parents’ wishes or knowledge when born as I had only a 10% chance of survival. Like my parents I care not for religion, I’ll happily and indifferently embrace and tolerate it where it doesn’t cause harm, prejudice and injustice. So, I mostly don’t engage in that kind of thing.
- I’ve never been to a Download festival gig, especially not one in Reading.
- I’m not from Glasgow, my Scottish doppelganger is (from what I have heard) and is slightly taller, less muscle with green eyes. Yes, I’ve bumped into him. No, I’ve no idea who he is. I have at least another 2 near doppelgangers in the UK from what I’ve been told. These encounters with people thinking me them often in humorous or potentially violent light until clarified.
- I am autistic on the high functioning Aspergers range type of thing.
- I have not nor will I ever work on a Lee Duffy Middlesbrough/Teesside set gangster film.
I vaguely remember when I was a child the time Lee Duffy was murdered as my parents wouldn’t let me out of the house for a few days. From what I was told at the time he was stabbed under the arm and bled out wandering the nearby streets calling out for help, no one did. And that’s about it. Local rag retrospectives later said he died outside a pub being treated by paramedics.
I have never worked on a Paul Duffy/Teesside gangster script or film nor have any desire to.
Having suffered from the stupidity of so called gangsters and so called police (bent pigs) I simply couldn’t give two fucks to promote that pathetic fetid shit in any kind of glamorous or interesting way.
In fact I think the British Gangster genre is the only type of story that I’d turn down flat and never consider writing or working on.
I’d rather write a Netflix reboot of the Twilight Series.
I’d rather go on a 3rd rate TV talent show whilst bad tripping on mushrooms.
I’d rather cover my genitals in honey and dangle them in front of a baby hippo.
I will never write a Teesside based gangster story.
PS: Joe Tan’s Gangsters in Love and Time to Kill don’t apply for reasons that would be obvious to anyone who watched them. And I only helped a little here and there.
Here actually endeth the lesson.